Israel is a place of wonders for most, a place of turmoil for others, and a very controversial place for everyone.
Living here the past 12 months has been truly eye-opening, life-changing, upsetting, rewarding, and simply another year among many hopefully lived to its fullest. Over the past 12 days of flying home, being amongst family, being shown new life additions, and conversing in only English, the year already seems to be slowly dissipating, my reality, turning into a happenstance, a dream that happened, that came and went in a blink of an eye, a snap of one’s fingers.
However, happenstance or not, my year was incredible, and life-altering in ways that yes if you ask me, I can not verbalize, or even pinpoint, but simply know. It was an experience that happened because of who I am, of what I want, and what I pursue on a daily basis. I strive for that feeling of newness, of adventure, of excitement. And whether I found that in the bowels of MakTesh Ramon, or looking out onto a land of dirt, rocks, and desert, or while flying towards a new place, or simply having a meal with roommates bound together by an ideal, a place, and a job that was as new as it was chaotic, I believe I found something I was looking for. I found a small family in the confines of a desert town of 5,005 in Mitzpe Ramon Israel. I believe I found at least part of what subconsciously I was searching for.
As I constantly refer back to…our (TALMA 2.0 members) death-defying bus rides morning and afternoon and our small bubble in the Negev Desert. As well as our lives being bound via traversing the cultural and language nuances and differences of America and Israel. And don’t forget how we all simultaneously were the pioneers and face for a program never to have been tried before. Because of these things, we shared almost everything for nearly 10 months. This in itself is no small feat. Day in and day out, with or without words, we knew a great deal about how the others felt, what they thought, and what they were experiencing each and every day.
Now not always rainbows and unicorns, what we did in this new world, we did for the students we associated with, attempted to teach, and came to work each day to change for the better. Although we may not have felt that groundbreaking change was taking place, simply our presence I hope changed at least some of the kids we came in contact with for the better. And when I look back on my experience, whether it seems a dream or not, I can focus on the kids, the experiences, and the Negev which we called home, and think back, smile, and say, “that year was worth it, that year changed me for the better.”
The holy land effects everyone in a different way. For some it’s for religious purposes, others cultural, others a historic treasure trove, and others, simply another venture, another place, another country stuck in its ways, a place to analyze, help, talk about, and maybe even doubt its existence at all. For me, it was a place to challenge myself, to strengthen my social acumen, to do something at the moment that may never happen again if waited upon. Many questioned if my religious values were increased, my connection to the country emboldened, yet to each question, I have the same answer. No. Why this is, I can not begin to comprehend, because just like you I thought these would be altered or at least changed slightly after a year living somewhere completely different. Maybe it was the bubble I lived in, the English that surrounded me, despite being in a country dominated by Hebrew, maybe it was my lack of venturing off to meet new people native to the areas I lived, however, no matter the reason, it did affect me, it did allow for a meaningful recollection of who I am, of who I want to be, and of what I want to do going forward. For this, I am thankful, no matter if the year already is a daze, a distant happenstance, a dream that vividly came and went.
Now as I sit in a cafe in Tulsa Oklahoma, the Holy land has quickly turned to a cross-country tour of the family land. Unlike the Israeli mentality of family close at hand, ming is spread across the states, and as I boarded my plane home after an amazing week traveling with my parents, aunt, and uncle, my grand tour was already beginning. From Brooklyn New York to Jackson New Jersey, to Warwick New York, to Old Tappan New Jersey, to New York City and back again, each place holds fond memories, amazing people, and incredible times in the past and within the last week. Tagging along for swimming meets, hiking in Harriman state park, grandiose dinner plans under the Brooklyn bridge, and meeting friends in the city to catch up after a much too long time apart. Each experience, each new memory, was safely tucked away, labeled family moments, and made me wonder why in the world these people live so far away, why they are such a big part of my life, yet only visited, seen, talked to once, twice, a dozen times a year. How can this be fixed, how can this be changed, how can this be improved.
So now as I sit here thinking, deliberating, and wondering about comments from friends and family alike on how I pick a place, how I travel so easily, what I strive to accomplish / where I want to live. I am once again without words, without comment, without an understanding of my own thoughts, needs wants, and aspirations. I continually come back to one word. FAMILY. I believe this is what confuses me, drives me, and keeps me moving, it is because of this word, this thing being so spread out, no single piece in one single spot that uproots me constantly, that drives me to move, because if settled, once again there is another place, another person who is not amongst FAMILY.
So Family Land…the United States as a whole, or individual states such as New York, New Jersey, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Oklahoma, or specific cities: Brooklyn, Jackson, Warwick, Old Tappan, Tulsa, Minneapolis…? Where oh where. This is the question, this is why the intrigue comes with the statement, “just move to Tulsa,” tugs at my heartstrings, but simultaneously makes me think, is this THE where is this THE place.
So from Holy Land to Family Land, a lot has happened, a lot has stayed exactly the same. It is what happens next, the decisions made here and now that I look forward to making, navigating, and working through. This is the best part of spending time with family, in different places, with different people, it makes you think, it makes you realize who and what is important. Where and why things make you feel the way you do. Whether this feeling can be described or not, it is there deep down, slowly making those decisions that feel impossible, that feel extremely simplistic to come to fruition and hopefully turn the THE place, people, and where, as easy as waking up most mornings.
Let me know what you think, how you decide, how you decided, and what your rock, your unmoving factor of who, what, where, when, and why is. Enjoy.
